I guess it's official

Let me preface this post by saying that I am delirious with fever. I know what you are thinking; I am faking so Mr. C would stay home and help me just a little longer. (and he is that nice and he did come home today.) But it is true. Who manages to stay well for an entire week in Ethiopia and then comes home and gets sick? I am putting full blame on Baby C. as I have had to tote him around to about a googillion (did you watch Idol Gives Back . . then you understand) doctors to satisfy all of the agency's requirements. Some germ took up residence in me because of him!! But I am not bitter. Speaking of Baby C., that is what I am really supposed to be writing about.

So, I'll be totally straight with this one. During our process for this adoption, I spent more than a couple minutes wondering if I would "feel" the same about Baby C. as I did/do about Sissy and Brother. I had decided long ago that I was fine with feeling different...but I hoped it would be the same. Here's another tidbit of honesty . . . I am not the mom who fell in love at first sight. It was more like, "Could someone wash off this tiny alien like creature so I can get a better look?" It took time. I felt like they were strangers for a while. It is hard to get to know a stranger who can't talk, and in Sissy's case, cried for 4 months straight. All of this is to say that my standards aren't too high in this area, but I was still wondering if it would be the same.

In fact, it was a lot the same. The nurse handed him to us and we were like, "Nice to meet you. We love your pink clothes. You are way prettier than a newborn and even way prettier than in your photos. You are down right beautiful. Now what?" So a week and a half has gone by and here is where I am now. He is officially my son. I sat with him last night. Alone in his room, feeding him his bedtime bottle and I stared into those huge brown eyes and my heart did the swelling thing. You, know, when you feel for a split second that your chest can't accomodate the size of your puffing heart and you have to take a breath? Then I cried. This is exactly the same feeling I had, and have, with Sissy and Brother( tho less frequently when they are/were two). So, in case anyone is still wondering, it isn't different. It is the same. Just the same.. I don't know if it is as simple as hard wiring? I suspect it is a bit more mysterious than that. God, the universe, fate. . . . whatever. It is a wonderful gift to have given birth and it is an equally wonderful gift to have adopted. Sometimes life really is amazing.